Friday, May 9, 2008

Introduction to Untheism

[versión en castellano ahora disponible]

[Note: The contents of the below post have been updated by the Church of Ungod. If you, for some unfathomable reason, care to know the latest version of Untheism, click here]

Greetings, seekers of truth. Welcome to Untheism, the one and only source for information regarding Lord Ungod.

I understand Untheism is not something most people are familiar with, and to remedy this I feel it is my duty to start the distribution of information concerning this religion. A small introduction is perhaps in order.

Untheism is the belief in the supremacy and powers of Ungod, Lord of Non-existence and Crafter of Paradoxes. Ungod is the God and Master of all things that don't exist. What does this mean? Simple. What we perceive as the "real world", the plane of existence, is not the only plane there is. In fact, there is an infinite amount of planes of non-existence, and every one of these is ruled by Ungod.

The plain of existence is formed by that which is rejected from non-existence. To put it in another way, in the beginning nothing existed, and everything was on the planes of non-existence. Then, Ungod removed some things from these planes, and placed them in a single plane, the plane of existence.

I mentioned before that Ungod is Lord of all things non-existent. By this I mean he has complete power over anything that belongs to the planes of non-existence, which contain everything that isn't contained in our own plane. And by that I mean everything. If you can even think about it, it's at least in one of the planes. Maybe more. Unicorns, Hisdifticatationism, phlogiston, an object accelerating past the speed of light, a word written in the Roman alphabet that is exactly 5.7 letters long, the last digit of pi, etc. None of these things exist, which means they are in the planes of non-existence.

Now, you may be wondering, if Ungod has power over everything that doesn't exist, does that mean he is powerless in our own plane? The answer is yes and no. He can't affect what happens here directly, but he can decide what begins to exist. To understand it better, you can picture our plane of existence, the infinite planes of non-existence surrounding it, and Ungod outside all of the planes, moving things into existence.

Once he puts something in our plane, he can't take it back. Until that something ceases to exist, Ungod has released all power over it, although if it suits his purposes, he may cause to exist other beings or concepts that cease the existence of that one. For example, if he wishes to claim a certain object, he can send a mythical monster to break that object, making it non-existent and placing it back in one of the realms under his control. If he feels that a certain natural law should no longer exist, he will send a replacement (You don't want to know what Quantum Mechanics' predecessor did, but it wasn't nice). And similarly.

Finally, I described Ungod as Crafter of Paradoxes. By this I mean that Ungod and non-existence are a problem to usual logic. For example, is there anything that is both more powerful than Ungod, and doesn't want to exist? If there is, then Ungod couldn't have placed it in the plane of existence, because this theoretical entity would overpower him. But if it doesn't, there would be something non-existent Ungod has no power over. This problem is clear evidence of the shortcomings of our existential logic. As Ungod is one of the few entities free from the grasp of classical logic, he enjoys creating problems logic can't solve, hence the title Crafter of Paradoxes.
Those are the basic things you need to know about Untheism. Now, frequent questions asked to untheists:

Q: Is there an afterlife in Untheism?
A: Sort of. According to untheists, there's no such thing as a soul that can remain after you die in the plane of existence. When you die, you cease to exist. This, as you can realize, means that you now inhabit one of the planes of non-existence Ungod rules over.

Q: Are there sins in Untheism?
A: No. Ungod doesn't care about the inconsequential acts of humans. There is, however, a merit system for determining what happens to you when you cease to exist. Basically, Ungod likes interesting people. Be an individual, think for yourself and don't let others determine what is right and wrong for you. This will make you more interesting to talk to, which is one of Ungod favourite hobbies, and he will favour you in non-existence.

Q: How should I worship Ungod?
A: As I mentioned before, Ungod's hobbies include talking to interesting people and creating paradoxes. Exercise logic and thinking for yourself, and that's the closest you can get.

Q: How should I pray to Ungod?
A: You shouldn't. He refuses to influence our realm unless it's absolutely necessary, and it usually isn't.

Q: How do you know all this?
A: I ceased to exist temporarily once. That doesn't mean I died, mind you, just that my mind went blank and I was no longer conscious of my existence, so nothing of what made me me was real anymore. While I was in this state, Ungod told me a bunch of really interesting stuff.

Q: Why didn't he tell anyone any of this before?
A: He did, but there weren't many people that paid attention. Every once in a while, he'd check on someone who had to stopped existing for a while and tell them about him, but most of the time people thought they were hallucinating, or would believe him but nobody they told would believe them.

Q: How can I cease to exist?
A: You can die, but that's probably not a good idea. You see, it's best for you to stay in existence, under the power of regular logic and natural laws, for as long as possible, which trains your mind for when you are out of their grasp. You have an eternity to live in non-existence, take advantage of the limited time you'll exist. If you want to cease to exist in a temporary way, I'm afraid nobody knows exactly how to influence that state. It's a matter of luck.

Q: Is Ungod omniscient?
A: No. He can know what is happening now in the planes of non-existence and he has an excellent memory, but he can't know the future, and his knowledge of our realm is limited. He usually chooses not to read the minds of sentient beings that don't exist, because it's better if they tell him about their ideas themselves, once they are fully formed.

Q: What does Ungod look like?
A: Depends on his mood. He changes his appearance all the time, you see. You may have noticed I usually talk about him as if he was male, but that's a matter of simplicity. I could just as well refer to her as Lady Ungodess.

Q: What about other Gods?
A: They don't exist. If one of their believers ceases to exist, s/he may meet them in the planes of non-existence. Or Ungod or one of his emissaries may meet them and explain the whole business to them. It all really depends on how interesting you are to talk to.

This concludes our first lesson on Untheism.


  1. I'm very interested in the Creator of Paradoxes. Out of curiosity, I'd like to pose a question based on a hypothetical situation. If the answer is pleasing, I shall convert to Untheism without a second thought. Or perhaps with lots of thoughts, as thinking is, of course, encouraged in Untheism.

    There are a lot of things that don't exist that I would like to spend my nonexistence with, such as my favourite character in Supernatural, who does not, of course, exist. Now, would Lord Ungod allow us to share planes of nonexistence with the non-existent objects of our non-affection?

    If so, please send me pamphlets further outlining the Wonder and Truth(TM) of Ungod. I believe you know where to find me.

  2. Certain knowledge regarding what happens after we stop existing is difficult to come by, because our perspective is limited to existence in a single realm with less than fluid laws. However, there is good reason to suspect that Ungod has no objection to allowing us to spend the eternity of non-existence in the company and environment we find most pleasurable. After all, it is something that requires zero effort for him to do, and it is no way to his detriment. While an occasional change might take place (for it is conductive to creative thought), most of the time you can exist with whomever you desire to. I think, anyway.
    I must, however, point out that this benefit is not limited to Untheists. There is no need to convert to Untheism, and I would advise against doing it for this reason. Beliefs held for mere convenience of their truth should be avoided.
    I must be the only religious leader dumb enough to tell people not to convert, especially those of the "young, smoking hot female" persuasion.

  3. Honestly, and as the leader of the entire religion you're at liberty to make laws such as "call me Snuggles, except on the Sabbath, when you must call me Captain Awesome". By shunning this typical route, down which most religious leaders have skipped, you show yourself to be unique and interesting, yet also, as you stated, dumb.

    But I must assure you, I'm not converting on the mere whim of truth but because I'm bored with trying to explain agnosticism and would like to baffle people with Untheism for a bit. Variety, as Ungod knows, is the spice of life. I worshipped Quetzlcoatl for a while, but the human sacrifice I was about to off In His Name started complaining and I was forced to abandon the faith.

  4. Damn, I should've thought of that Captain Awesome thing before making a religion with no holy days. I knew I was forgetting something.

    Anyway, baffling people is a perfectly good reason to join an obscure religion, particularly mine. Plus it's much more socially acceptable (and legal) than human sacrifice in most parts of the world.

  5. Captain Awesome it is! Should anyone question your most awesome title, I shall threaten to return to a religion with human sacrifices. That oughta shut 'em up.

    There's a little island somewhere whose inhabitants have only gotten over cannibalism, and they worship Prince Philip as their god. My friend and I adopted that religion for a while to annoy a fundie friend.

    We had many lulz.

  6. Modern science says Ungod does not exist. Exactly as the Holy Scripture says. Science proves that Untheism is correct!

    Praise Ungod!

  7. Scientists have been oddly silent on the subject, actually. Apparently they are too scared to test my hypothesis.
    Possibly because the only known way of testing it is dying.

  8. good guildlines. but realising the fact when you say that you are in existance conflicts upon the pradoxes of being born in the image of god knowing the lines I am that I am. leaving you but briefly to understand you are.

  9. oh check out my page this may or may be no benift to you or understanding lest the madness of not understanding whatsoever.